Dating a widower blog
I truly believe that it is NOT healthy for a widower to be commemorating his late wife's birthday/anniversary with his late wife’s parents each year.
They may be the sweetest people on earth and have no intentions of making the widower feel guilty, but they are!
Ignoring them just fuels their fire and validates their negative feelings about you.
Don't be afraid to discuss their daughter with them, since avoidance of the subject only perpetuates the saintly icon they have formulated in their minds.
It was during the time of this anniversary that he retreated.
We got back together a few months later for another eight months, but now the same thing has happened at the same time of the year.” “Do you think these are issues about his wife and that even after such a long time he is still not ready to move on or perhaps his problems stem from other issues?
At this time, he feels guilty for a variety of reasons, such as the simple acts of:1.) Living ("Why do *I* deserve to live when “she” (late spouse/girlfriend/fiancée) didn't? ")2.) Being happy ("How can I be - or how do I deserve to be - happy when "she" is gone? ")3.) Moving on ("Shouldn't life just STOP because “she” is gone?
")In-laws like these often subconsciously PULL the widower into their own grief cycles to "wise him up" and try to make him realize that his behavior is wrong (even though it's NOT! They do this by bringing him along to the cemetery or making him the guest of honor at their late daughter's birthday parties. They are afraid that their beloved child will be forgotten if they stop celebrating her life, and they feel that the widower's steps beyond bereavement are a sure sign that he, too, has negated the late wife's existence.
He is a lovely man...kind, generous, thoughtful, and I love him dearly.
How can I gently communicate more with him about this?
As such, you deserve to be heard.3.) HONOR his late wife by allowing his children their feelings. DO NOT talk negatively about their mother in their presence.4.) DO NOT question your boyfriend’s love for you or compare it to his love for his late wife.
You can "own" your insecurities without allowing them to become a wedge between you.5.) TALK TO your boyfriend's former in-laws.